Title: I didn't know
Rating: Um, Teen I think
Summary: What I would like to happen after Jenny and Nate both leave in different directions in 2X09
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Jenny was walking aimlessly through Brooklyn trying to figure out what to do next. She was wondering how she could feel so elated and proud of herself for what she had accomplished at only 15 years old, yet feel so defeated at the same time with all her life crumbling around her. She hated disapointing her father, she really did, but he did not understand her. He had let go of his dreams to take care of them and she was thankful, but she could always see the regret behind her father's eyes. She did not want to look back on her life and regret not following her dreams. As she walked, she thought of going to Agnes' for a few days, to figure out her next move, she thought of Nate and shivered, remembering the feel of his hands on her hips, his lips on hers, the way it made her feel. She thought she should call him, but was too confused at the moment to deal with the situation and she just kept fingering her cellphone. She couldn't concentrate right now so she picked up her pace and texted Agnes to warn her of her arrival. As expected, Agnes texted her back her excitement and agreement.
Later on that night, after unpacking the only suitcase she had brought and talking with Agnes about their plans for a busy day ahead, designing more dresses, she sat down, finally feeling the adrenaline leaving her slowly and she felt very cold. She had many missed calls on her phone. Most of them from her dad or Dan, some were unknown numbers that she was sure were some important people wanting to talk about her designs but she couldn't deal with all of it yet and decided that she would figure out how to handle it out tomorrow. Nate hadn't called and that worried her as she had not talked to him since she had abruptly left him at the party to find Vanessa. She still had not talked to Vanessa and she really felt horrible about that. She really did not mean to hurt her and the whole thing with Nate had come out of the blue and surprised her so much that she had to admit to herself that she had not thought of the consequences. She liked Nate...had for a very long time, dating back to when he was with Blair and she had wanted to BE Blair. But he had always seen her as a little sister, everyone had. She had wanted to prove to them so much that she was worth more than that, that she was her own person and that "Little J" was becoming someone to be taken seriously. But as always, inexperienced as she was, she had, without wanting to, managed to alienate almost everyone she cared about. She really wanted to talk to Vanessa, to try and explain, but she also knew that Vanessa probably needed some time to deal with the whole thing before she was ready to talk to her again. She sighed and headed to the bathroom to run herself a bath, taking advantage of the fact that Agnes had gone out again, probably until the wee hours of morning, and she was alone trying to juggle her thoughts.
As she got into the scalding hot water, filled with a deliciously expensive chocolate scented oil and sea salts, her phone rang: - Vanessa!
- Hey Jenny...look I don't really know what to say...but I've been friends with Dan for so long and with you too...I feel like we should talk.
- Yeah...I know, I just don't know what to say, I'm really sorry about this, I don't even know where to begin.
- Just tell me how it got to what I saw..You guys looked very familiar, as if it wasn't the first time, was it?
- No..it wasn't. I don't even know where that's going, I just... I've liked him for a long time Vanessa and I never thought anything would happen. I'm not naive, but whatever, the point is that all of last year we had moments when we talked and he seemed to want to be my friend and then he didn't and that's all I thought it was. But then Dan brought him home to live with us and I don't know...He started trying to protect me and we kissed and then didn't talk and I thought that was the end of it and I really felt bad about it and tried to forget. But then last night he kissed me again and that's pretty much what you saw... I'm so sorry Vanessa, you know how much I care about you and I really never meant to hurt you.
- Yeah, I know..I kind of figured. I just..I still liked him and I thought you knew that and it was a shock. But him and I were over...not even friends to begin with and certainly not after, so...I don't know, just be happy Jenny. I need to go.
She hung up, threw her phone on her towel and just went under water for a while, listening to the quiet of bubbles and water slowly being tossed around and swirling all over her body, trying to forget the last 24 hours. She finally got out of the bath, almost completely relaxed and wrapped a plush robe around herself and made herself a hot tea. She texted Dan to let him know where she was but he never texted or called back. Too tired to worry, she finished her tea, doodled mindlessly for a while and ended up dozing off on the sofa, barely stirring when Agnes came in sometimes during the night, tripping on furniture as she went to her room and crashed fully clothed on her bed with some guy.
In the morning, the reality of what had happened doused her like an icy glass of water being thrown at her head. She was panicking, her hands in cold sweat and just staring at the gorgeous view of Tribeca down below. She knew Agnes was about to wake up soon and would be her usual tornado-self and she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with her yet, but before she had time to figure out what to do about it, Agnes came out of her room in her underwear, yawning: - Hey gorgeous, sleep well?
- Yeah, thanx
- Well don't you look chipper this morning!
- No! Not one more word out of you, I want you to shower, get dressed in something fabulous, we have a meeting in an hour!
Jenny started freaking out: - What? What meeting, I haven't even talked to anyone yet!...
Agnes interrupted her rudely: - Shush, get ready I said, for the rest of your life!
A few excruciating hours later, Jenny was starting to realize what a horrible mistake she had made to listen to Agnes. The girl was clearly not looking out for her best interest but was more or less trying to do exactely as Eleanor had done, steal her designs and become the face and name that would be associated with everything she had worked so hard for. After a fight, Jenny was once again forced to make her suitcase and wander around Manhattan this time, completely lost and feeling more alone than ever. After walking for what felt hours, she sat in Central Park, trying to catch her breath when it started raining. It was almost completely dark outside and she finally let go of the pretenses and cried. She had passed by Nate's mansion earlier today but there had been no sign of anyone living there and she wondered where he could have gone, and why he had not contacted her yet. She thought maybe she had misread all the signs, that maybe he wasn't into her at all. She was falling for him, she knew that. She could no longer deny it, and it hurt. She grabbed her phone and dialed the first number that came to mind, barely registering as the person answered. She said that she needed a place to stay and after having made arrangements, she hung up and hailed a cab.
Lily Van Der Woodsen welcomed her with open arms and a shoulder to cry on. Without exchanging many words, she brought her to a guest room and instructed her to make herself at home and told her she had some calls to make. She knew Lily would help her and she thought that maybe her dad would listen to her. She was never going to forget how nice Lily was to her that night and so many times before that too. She was glad she didn't have to see Chuck, Serena or Eric right away, she wasn't ready to explain why she was here.
A few weeks passed and Jenny was still unoficially living with the Bass/Van der Woodsen family. No one had asked her questions and she assumed Lily was to thank for the lack of questionning. She had briefly seen Dan at school a few times when she went to meet Eric, but he always looked as though he wanted to talk to her, but hadn't made a move so far. She knew vaguely that he had started writing a secret article that concerned Mr. Bass and that Chuck was plotting. She hadn't seen Vanessa since that phone call and she had not seen Nate at school either and was doing her best to try and forget him as it was now clear to her that he had not cared as much as she had. She was slowly coming to terms with it, even though it really hurt her and she still thought of him daily and yearned to be close to him again.
Eric had really stepped up and helped her with her designs, even going as far as setting up meetings for her when she had been ready to give up. Her line was slowly coming together and people were really showing an interest but without Eric, she would not have known where to go to develop things further and with her lack of money, she was thankful that he had found her some people willing to invest in her, believe in her. Today, she had met with a prominent young business man willing to invest enough so that she could open up her own store and she had to look over all the papers and figure out how to convince her father to sign this as she needed his blessings because she wasn't an adult yet.
She put her thoughts aside to start getting ready for tonight's ball. She had promised Lily that she would attend and Eric had decided they would go together, as Mr. Bass still prefered Eric did not show his boyfriend in public. She had made herself a beautiful dress for the occasion. An edgy silk dress with crystal embroidery that was sophisticated, feminine with touches of rock 'n' roll chic that was perfect to show off her talent to the crowd that would be surrounding her.
She couldn't help it, she still felt ackward in parties like this. She felt out of place, like people would know that she did not belong. She followed Eric to the bar, wanting to have something to hold to occupy her shaking hands. Not so long ago, she had been trembling like this and Nate had reassured her with a kiss... She accepted the drink Eric was handing her and turned around to face the crowd when she spotted Nate, for the first time in weeks. She froze on the spot and blushed, looking down, trying to disapear in the background, but it was too late, Nate had seen her and was heading her way:
She looked up, embarassed: Hi Nate
He was fidgeting as he started to speak but she stopped him right away, not wanting to let herself be sucked back in the drama: Nate, listen, it's ok. We had a thing, it was wrong, now it's over, you don't need to explain anything, I've sort of gotten the point.... I hope you enjoy your evening.
With that, she excused herself and walked to the bathroom to collect her thoughts. She vaguely heard Nate screaming her name but she tuned him out, tears gathering in her eyes. When she got there, she took some tissue all bunched up and tried to reduce the damage to her make-up. She was angry, angry at him that he couldn't leave the past alone. How dare him try and talk to her! After just leaving her like this, after everything he had done and said. Everything THEY had done. Her frustration was making her cry again and when she heard the door open, she ducked in a stall, locked the door and sat on the toilet with the lid closed. She heard someone walk around and then say her name: - Jenny? Jenny, I know you're here.. it's Vanessa. I need to talk to you.
She didn't answer. She didn't want to fight with Vanessa right now, she just wanted to be left alone. And that's when she heard Vanessa talk again, but this time, she was not talking to her, she was reading to her....
I am sorry I couldn't tell you this in person. I really would have liked to be able to talk to you one last time before I leave, but I at least owe you a letter. Dan found out about our kiss on Gossip Girl and asked me to leave. I want to thank you for welcoming you into your home and to tell you how much I appreciated spending time with you these past few weeks. It opened my eyes to who you really are, apart from being Dan's little sister. I've never told you how much I respect you for doing everything in your power to achieve your dreams. I admire you for being able to stand up for what you believe in. You may have made some mistakes but you deserve good things and that is why I have to leave for a while to straighten out my life, because you deserve so much more than what I can give you right now. You told me that if I cared, I would come with you. I did. And it is also because I care that I must disapear for a while. I hope you understand.
Try to stay out of trouble. I can't wait to see you again. You make me forget about everything and I worry about you. I did not regret kissing you, and I still want to do it again.
- Jenny, he really cares about you...I found this on Dan's desk and .. I read it. He left this for you when he left a few weeks back. I just wanted to tell you...I'm leaving.
And with that, she was gone. Jenny opened the door and saw the letter on the counter. She read it, and read it again. Her heart was thumping in her throat. She felt exhilarated and nervous and sad all at once. She ran out, back to the party and scanned the crowd but Nate had already left. On a hunch, she decided to go to his mansion, not knowing if he would be there or not, but she had to make things right. She ran there, in her heels and her dress, forgetting her coat but not caring about the cold, not even feeling it. When she finally got there, she saw that there was light, and that the door was unlocked, as it had been ever since they seized all of Nate's family's assets. She ran upstairs and found him on a makeshift bed on the floor, sprawled and his hands over his face. When he heard her, he removed his hands and his eyes lit up in hapiness and worry. She was still holding on to the letter.
- Nate, I just got this...I didn't know.
His eyes became intense with emotions as she came closer. He took her hand and whispered hoarsely "it doesn't matter" as he lowered her down to him and kissed her passionately. Her heart exploded as she felt his lips against hers once more and everything went blank as they embraced. His hands were kneading her hips and hers were entangled in his hair. The couldn't breathe and she tasted her tears admist their kisses. He laid her down next to him and held her closer as he moved on to kissing her neck. "Nate, I'm falling for you, so hard" she whispered in his ear. He moaned on her neck and his hands twitched on her back. She could feel him everywhere and it was driving her crazy. He kissed her mouth again and opened his eyes and locked gazes with her "Jenny, I want you so much". She thought she would die as she looked into his eyes and saw the raw emotions in there. The next hour passed in a blur of hurried touches, heartbreaking sighs, heartfelt emotions, and a deep need to melt into one another, time stopping and where the world did not matter.
Jenny was happy and finally felt like she belonged. She was confidant that the future would hold great surprises for her, but most of all, she was finally getting her prince charming. </lj-cut>